i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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