I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
