Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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