true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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