imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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