How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
