woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize