I should be sponsored by Trojan
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
