i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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