The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
