Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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