she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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