I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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