Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
