Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
