My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
