kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
