Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
