He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
