Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hippo gnu deer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
