hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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