Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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