I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
