Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
