I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
