Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
