I want to walk on stilts...naked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
