the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
