I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
