six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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