I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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