When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
