so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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