i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
