She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can you bring me the toilet please
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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