Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
