i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
