I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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