I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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