there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
