I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
