matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
