After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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