I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
