K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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