May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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