Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
