The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
