You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
