I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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