this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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