I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
