Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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