my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
