Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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