i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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