I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The best revenge is premature balding
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
