and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
