Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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