I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize