yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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