i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
