come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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