just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have already put on my inside pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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