so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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