And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
