You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
