he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
