were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I pour the whiskey from now on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
