I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
