I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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