ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
