Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
