they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
