So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
