well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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