dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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