doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
