Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
