Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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